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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Don't give up on yourself

People give up on me all the time.
One] {The counselor} After I told her I was feeling just a tiny bit better from my depression, she told me that she would come and get me out of class in a few weeks to see how I'm doing. It's been over a month, and she hasn't come. Did she just want to get rid of me?
Two] {My mom} My mom was looking through my room. She came across a letter I had written her, a pretend one. She wasn't supposed to actually get it. It was basically a list of what I hated about her. She wanted to talk to me, and then she broke down in tears because she apparently loves me so much. After a very long talk, she told me she would try to be a better mother. Three weeks later, it's back to the abuse, neglect, and hate.
Three] {My friends} My closest friends know practically everything. They helped at first, told me I should go see the counselor. I did... and then they never talked to me about any of it again. Except one friend, who stood by me for the longest time.
Four] {That one friend} I told him about the depression, the anxiety, the suicidal thoughts, the cutting, the abuse, everything. And he cared. He talked to me all the time and tried to help. But then he stopped. He stopped talking to me, stopped making eye contact with me, stopped messaging me on Facebook. And that was the end of that. No more help.
Five] {My own dreams} I have been having nightmares a lot lately. Last night my dream started off great. I had this egg and it had hatched into a chick. The chick was so adorable, and he was my pet and I loved him. But then I left him out of my sight for a minute, and then I couldn't find him. He was lost. I looked all over the house, and I finally spotted him. He was standing on the heat register. I ran over, but right as I got there he fell through. I quickly took the lid off the register... just in time to see the chick slide down to his death. I can't even do anything right in a simple dream.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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