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Monday, December 13, 2010

Free love

1) I lied about my father sexually abusing and molesting me for years, just for the attention.  It got to the point where people wanted to hurt him, and I even said, while drunk one night to an ex, that nothing would make me happier than seeing him on his deathbed.  He never did anything to me except psychological abuse and hit me maybe 4 or 5 times.

2) I've cheated while belligerently drunk 3 times now.  I thought by sobering up (now having been in AA for over 3 months with out a drink) that this desire would go away.  While I'm not physically cheating, I'm already emotionally leading on another guy who I legitimately like even though I have an amazing boyfriend that I am pretty sure I'm in love with.

3) I've only had sex with 2 men, by choice, and could have had many more, even though I've thoroughly fantasized about fucking over 60 men and women in the past 6 months alone.  I have this weird obsession with making sure that people love me before I have sex with them.  It drives me crazy because I have such a high sex drive.

4) I've been extremely bulimic for about 6 years now, and even though I know it's killing me, I'm too scared of being over weight (even though I've never been overweight in my entire life). I'm even going to an Intensive Out Patient program for it soon, and I'm terribly scared I won't be at enough of a point of surrender to ever really get over this thing.

5) I've fallen in love with at least 4 of my best female friends over the years, but they probably will never know. I wish I could romantically love everyone who's close to me in life because I crave to give love so much, and want to make people happy in the deepest ways possible.  I just want to be able to give that all and that boundless love to everyone who brightens my world.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: other



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