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Monday, December 13, 2010

Holiday Hopelessness

1) I hate my self for caring about everyone but my self, I hate how I look I've tryed everything to lose weight but just can't. I'm in such a deep depression.

2) I love my husband with all my heart but he's broken my heart so much. He loves me and another woman at the same time he has told me on and off he does and doesn't love her I think he just says he doesn't to try and make me happy but then breaks my heart again by saying he still loves her. I just don't get it she has no feelings for him yet he still loves her. He says he would understand if I left but why love someone who has no feelings for you.

3) I think deep down I would leave I just have no where to go. I'm in deep depression over this I hear christmas songs and remeber him proposing to me infront of our tree and telling me how much he loves me and how I was the only one in his heart. Now I look at my tree and want to cry seeing the our first christmas decoration it makes me think back to his love only for me.

4) deep down I wish I went to college instead I stayed with the man I love and we had a baby I don't regreat my baby at all.

5) I pretend to be alright and told him to tell me everything that makes him happy even if its about the other woman I can't bring myself to go much longer I dream of never getting up and thinking that everyone would be happy with out me. K if you could give me any advice like how maybe I can get him to stop loving this other woman who is also a friend of mine we have tryed to talk sence to him but he just sits there and denoys any of it saying I'm nuts even though he says to me that he cares for her and I'm scard that when we have sex he's thinking of her or when were sleeping he's dreaming of a life with her. K I just don't know what to do any more please help.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

[You need to let go of the idea that getting your husband to stop loving your friend will make you happy. I am sure that you would feel a lot better if you could, but that is beyond your control and no advice I or anyone could give you will put that within your control.

To me, the secret to happiness is to look at the things in your life that make you unhappy and figure out what is within your power to change. There is essentially nothing in this world that can stand in the way of your happiness IF you acknowledge that you have control over your feelings. Often taking action to improve your own happiness involves solutions that are less than ideal, but the hardest part is usually making the decision in the first place.

You can't control your husband's feelings for this woman, but you can choose to leave him and find someone else to love you. You could also go back to school and get the degree that you gave up to be with him, which would alleviate the regret and also give you something to be proud of and something positive to focus your energies on. Wishing you could control his feelings will only make you feel worse because focusing on your husband's emotional infidelity and your feelings of inadequacy associated with it will only make things worse. You can't help but be unhappy in that situation - as much as you wish it wasn't so, there is a part of you that knows what you desire is hopelessly out of your control.

Hope is the secret to happiness -- when you legitimately believe there is something you can do to improve your life, everything seems brighter.

Much Love,

K]



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