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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Congrats for resisting the temptation

I broke up with my first real boyfriend last night. the pain is almost unbearable. I had to do it, the relationship wasn't working and I just kept getting hurt and angry and no matter how many times I talked to him, nothing ever changed. Even though I know it was for the best, my heart is broken. and I feel terrible. I can't stand the thought of him hurting as bad as I do now, and I just hope that he isn't.

In the past when I have comforted friends who had their hearts broken, I always secretly thought they were being dramatic, or that it didn't really hurt that bad. I finally understand. It does hurt that bad. Its terrible.

The reason I never had any real relationships until the age of 19 was because I knew that they would eventually end and that I'd get hurt bad. I was right. The thought of becoming a nun is very tempting right now.

Last night was the first time I seriously wanted to hurt myself since I stopped cutting 4 years ago. I wanted to so bad. but I didn't.

The only reason I was able to sleep last night, the reason I am not hysterical anymore, the reason I didn't hurt myself and the reason I'm alive is because of God. There is no way I could make it through this without Him. I'm so glad I never had to suffer a breakup before I found God.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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