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Thursday, January 6, 2011

A change you can believe in

[one] When I was around 7/8 my cousin who was 12/13 did perverted things to me. He almost raped me but stopped himself before he went too far. He continued "perversely teasing" and touching me until I was the age of 10. Many years have passed and now we're very close. I mentioned "our past" to him a couple days ago. His face was priceless, I think he deserved a reminder.

[two] When I was 14 my little cousin was just hitting puberty and was into perverted things as well. We did the same exact things I did with my other cousin except this time I was aware of what I was doing. My past fucked me up. But now, we're also very close and we've never spoken about what we've done.

[three] I feel like everyday I'm being forced to let my male best friend do things to me. I'm married and I love my husband very much but there's just something about my best friend that gets me to do these things with him. I don't want to anymore but every time he's around it's like he uses confused logic against me to get me thinking its okay. I'm scared my husband will find out one day and I won't be able to defend myself because I'm so lost right now.

[four] I'm terrified of having a heart attack or a stroke. I know just enough amount of information to make me paranoid about it. I want to get checked out and seek help because I am over weight and all and my family also have a history of hypertension. I just keep putting it off though and I don't know why. I'm not scared of the doctors. I'm studying to be a nurse! It's just I keep thinking I'll be fine and I end up having a secret panic attack later. I don't like that my heart beats fast when I'm at a very rested state.

[five] I wish I could wear pretty dresses and look good and walk good in heels. My husband always tells me I look beautiful in them and I should wear them more often but I don't have enough self-confidence to stride down a street and feel pretty in one. I want to change that.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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