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God knows you have nothing to apologize for

I'm under 5'. people have made fun of me my whole life. I always joke with them but it actually depresses me more than anything. my whole life I just wanted to be a little taller just so people wouldn't make fun of me.
I only have two friends. I know they care about me but honestly I know that I annoy them and they just stay with me because I would have no one else to turn to.
I am not physically abused at home but emotionally and mentally abused in every way. I always here about bullying in schools and they always say "if someone is bullying you at school tell a teacher or an adult" but what about at home. do they realize that I have to come home to hell everyday?
I love having sex. I wish I was pregnant. it sounds silly but i have always figured that it would give me tons of attention and my baby would be someone to comfort and hold on to and to love. and if I was pregnant than I would have a reason to be a little overweight.
I wish that I wasn't so attention seeking. I feel like everything I do an say is because I want attention. but everytime I tell myself to shut up I so and then the next thing I know I'm slitting my wrists and snorting pills and drinking or smoking weed and ciggs.

last year I was admitted into a psych place after threatening to kill myself. now everyone looks at me with pitty. I didn't do that or drugs to get attention. that was merely to save my life and keep me going.
I'm sorry god...

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

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