main navigation

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Maybe dump the stinky boyfriend instead

I am about to be 32 and I am stuck.  I just started school this past august and I am focusing most of my attention and energy on that. I don't want to get distracted. The thing is that school is the best part of my day. Once I come home, I'm depressed and stressed out. Everyone adds to it. My family, my friends and especially my boyfriend.  He and I have not had sex in a really long time. I tell him that we don't see each other because of our schedules and my schooling.  Thats not it at all.  I can't stand to be around him. He has a smell that makes me sick to my stomach, and its there even after a hot and long shower.  I hate going to his house because its always dirty and smells just as bas as he does. I told him once before that I don't like coming to his house because of the roaches and all, and he got pissed at me.  Why can't he understand how I feel?

I've been unemployed for a lil over 2yrs now, and its starting to mess with my self-confidence big time.  I hate this! I have medical issues that I can't even take care of and getting assistance just doesn't happen. If I had the balls to do it I'd off myself and end all this bullshit. It's better than dying of a stroke or heart attack because I don't know how to not worry about shit. If I died would my family have to pay off my school loan? That would suck ass. I don't wanna do that to them, but I don't wanna be here either.

My friend has such a blessed life and she doesn't even appreciate it, it makes me get really pissed at her sometimes.

I don't having anything. I live with family, I don't have a house or an apartment, no kids, no job, no life. I HAVE NOTHING

I never wanted kids, never really cared about getting married...But lately I feel this need inside me and I am scared that I will never get married and build a family of my own. I'll just be the single girl forever. I don't wanna be someone's girlfriend in my 40's. It feels like time is running out, and there's a panic builing.  What do I do?  Should I just end it all right now?

Gender: n/a
Sexual Orientation: straight




Discuss this post.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for commenting! Keep the conversation going here.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.