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Working hard at being miserable

1. I married my husband because I was lonely. I don't think I've ever loved him. I want a divorce, but I don't know how to leave.
2. I have 4 kids. I love them all more than anything, but they make me feel trapped.
3. My husband knows and messed with my birth control to get me pregnant so I wouldn't leave.
4.I don't like myself or my life. I think I work hard at being miserable so I can't be happy.....I don't feel I deserve to be happy.
5. I have dark fantasies of dying. I imagine how small I am and how little it would truly matter if I was gone.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

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