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Two very long hours

1. When I was 16 I was told I couldn't have children.
When I turned 18 I met the man of my dreams he was 9 years
Older then me. I begged God to please give me one child
And when I was 19 he did. I told my boyfriend and he freaked out
He begged me for an abortion. I procrastinated until I was 4
Months along thinking he would change his mind...he didn't
 So I did it  because I thought I would lose him if I didnt.
I hate myself for it I wish I could go back in time and change it
I cry every night wishing I had my baby because I believe it was a gift from God and I destroyed it.

2. I was drugged and raped at 17 and got an std from it (thankfully it was cureable) I tried to tell someone they didn't believe me
I still see the Guy from time to time. He acts like nothing happened.

3. When i was 13 My "dad" told me if I flashed him he would stop beating me and let me do whatever I wanted I did it but nothing changed. I was just discusted with my self for believing it and doing it he also asked me to masterbate for him but thankfully I didn't I hate him more then anything...(even more then myself for what I did in number 1) and for the past 8 years I've been planning on how to kill him and get away with it I have the perfect plot too bad I don't know where the piece of shit is anymore....lucky him

4. Me and boyfriend from #1 are still together as much as I love him I can't forgive him for what he asked me to do. And I honestly don't think he loves me I think he just keeps me so I can keep being his maid and buying him weed and beer we have sex maybe once a month twice if I'm lucky and when we do he fucks me for like 10 min then has me suck his dick for 2 hours.

5. Most of the time I think It would be better if I were dead I just can't bring myself to do it. Sometimes I wish I could hire someone to do it for me but my job ,as great as some might think it is, doesn't pay enough.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual

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