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Heavy is better than homeless

#1 I hate myself....I am 250lbs and I try so hard to lose weight but always fail. Last time I weighed this much I stoped eating not because I wanted yo but because I was homeless and poor...I lost 85 lbs in 3 months as unhealthy as that is it was the first time I felt good about myself now I have a house and a job and I'm fat again.
#2 When I was 13 I tries to kill myself I endes up slicing my arm but not deep enough but it felt soooo good. I didn't even know what a "cutter" was back then and sometimes I still do it.
#3 I was in a car wreck when I was 18 and my best friend was thrown from the car I was fine but she died in my arms I'm now 24 and I still have nightmares about it every night I think it should've been me.
#4 My boyfriend abuses me mental physically and emotionally I would also say sexually but he IS my boyfriend.
#5 I'm secretly addicted to girls everything about then is beautiful.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: other

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1 comment:

  1. Just because he is your boyfriend, doesn't mean he can't sexually abuse you. I had a boyfriend for 3 years who I was very sexually active with...But guess what? He still was sexually abusive. Towards the end of our relationship he raped me as well. If you really want to do something, ANYTHING to at least make yourself feel the slightest bit better, drop the guy. You may think you don't deserve better, but trust me, NO ONE deserves that. I went from one crappy guy to another. I thought I got smart for awhile after the ex who raped me, but that didn't last long. Eventually, I did learn and got smart about it [and stayed smart about it]. It took me 2 rapes, an STD, quite a bit of sexual abuse, a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, emotional abuse from every ex, severe beatings, and nearly dying from being choked before I realized this though. Now I am truly happily engaged to someone who treats me better than I even knew possible, and we're excited to say we're expecting a baby in March. I don't know you, but I really hope you can find someone who treats you right and one day have the same happiness I found. I know you have the strength to get past this...Now you just have to find it in yourself and don't put it to waste. Believe in yourself, no matter how hard it may be.


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