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Monday, April 19, 2010

She's gonna get hers

1. I have been in love with two men for almost four years. I left one for the other. He has cheated on me 6 times, 4 of that while I was pregnant, and is posting all over this site that he wants more pussy. Now the other I should have stayed with is in active duty and idk if I will ever see him again. I wish I had made the right decision the first time around. I still love him. But I have no clue why I have feelings for the one I married at all. He's abusive, a cheater, pathological liar... Wtf is wrong w me. I even used to dream of sharing them, having one week here and one week there... Then I guess I would get the wonderful pampering treatment of one and the ridiculously careless fucking of the other. Too bad for me I gave one up and now I'm telling the other to fuck off and die.

2. I can't watch gruesome horror movies because it gives me ideas on what to do to the people that have hurt me in my life. I will obsessively dream of it over and over in glee as their bodies burn or are torn apart and I can feel their blood as I paint it on my face and body as I thoroughly enjoy mutilating them before I leave them mercilessly to die, gutted and disembowled, torn skin from flesh with my bare hands, sliced, burnt, rolled in salt, whatever. But after hours of torture, every time I leave them alive to die in agony for their sins against me. One I even cut up and fed his penis to him forcefully as I fried and chopped it piece by piece while he was tied to a tree with razorwire ripping his flesh. This is why I do not get much sleep.

3. I am a Catholic that still believes in types of Earth Magicks. This is heresy and witchcraft. But, I still know too much, and it has come in useful for me. God usually answers, but, when he doesn't, I rely on the Earth's power. I want to rid myself of all magicks, but it extremely difficult to resist. And the spells I have cast, well, the effects have not always been beneficial to me, but this can be verified by many: they shake entire communities, and the words in the spell are ALWAYS carried out. Just not in the way you may have wanted them to. It is the threefold and tenfold law. And I know I will have to answer to God for the death caused by a wardemon I summoned. She was only 15 and was cut in half by a fence, her car mysteriously crushed from the top into a crumpled shell with no visible cause. They never could figure out what caused it because they couldn't physically explain it.

4. I want to die. If my daughter was never born, I would be dead right now. I have been hurt my entire life. Even as a child, I have never been able to find peace and love, a safe place. Not even in my own home. My husband has even told me to kill myself. I do not want God to punish me, or I would glady just keel over and end it. I cut lightly because I don't want anyone to notice, I bang my head on the wall when I'm angry, I drove home drunk hoping to crash and die (my daughter was safe at home with sober supervision), I just feel no reason to live. My daughter is the sole one and only lifeline I have.

5. I have been faithful to my husband. I cheated once after he told me about his multiple offenses, but I haven't since. I have fantasized about it, I have picked up on guys (with baby in arms, lol!), and I know I can get wayyy better than I have. But, I'm sick of being the good girl while he gets all the pussy he wants, he's not the only good looking one in this relationship that can fuck like an animal. I plan to forgive him when I go back... But I'm going to play his game. I will get mine. And if I find someone who treats me better, his ass is gone because it will finally break my mind of believing I need him to love me. But, most likely it will just start as lots of fucking just to make myself feel better. He deserves it. And I going to take lots of pictures. Someday, I will give him the whole package, and he will finally know how it feels!

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