Big brother

#1, I am 16. People, everyone i know, my mum, teachers, friends and other people i meet online all tell me im really mature for my age. I HATE it when people say that to me because it makes me feel trapped. It makes me feel like i cant go out and have the fun and freedom of a 16 year old. Sometimes i just lock myself in my room after a bad day and just cry and try to sleep or something but i never can! Its so stupid though because i shouldn't care what people think of me but other peoples thoughts of me play a HUGE part of my life...

#2 when i was younger, 7 in fact. My mum had this boyfriend and he had a son. When this twat stayed at our house overnight he used to bring his son jamie with him. I hated jamie and i mean i hated him, i was scared of him and weaker than him and he used to do things. Lately ive been thinking of these things he used to do to me and to be honest its really bothering me so im gonna write about it... Its what this websites for right? Well one night when jamies came over, again i was 7 and he was 8, i woke up with his penis right next to me face. He told me to lick it and in the end he held my arms down and forced this thing into my mouth... After a while i gave in and bit it! I hope the fuckers impotent now! He even tried to finger my ass. This used to always confuse me because we were boths guys! Since i turned 8 i never saw him again, that was until a few months ago where it turns out he was going out with my once was best friend colleen. When i saw him i wanted to bash his head on the library desk! I thought i was safe. Luckily he doesnt recognise me, so immcounting my blessings for every day he doesnt know me.

#3, i dont ever tell other people what my deepest and dearest secrets are, not even my mother not even my ex of 3 years and not even this website but im gonna start coming clean because the last few times i did i felt so much better! Its like i dont have to suffer in silence anymore. (':

#4, earlier on today i hade a mental breakdown, i think. I was so stressed out and pissed off and scared and i felt like everything was gonna get worce! Then it did... My youngest brother who has not long turned 1, he set me off. I walked close to himmto get him away from something and he must have known i was in a firey mood because as i got closer to the buddha he cowerd and cringed at me comming closer to him. That broke my heart more than anything in the world did i think. I couldn't bear to see how i made him feel so i carryed on walking tewards him but instead i just picked him and cried on him and then he smiled and hugged me back. I was then just a quivering wreck for two and a half hours after that. The look on his face, fear... Fear of me. It was awful! So when i see him next, im gonna have to give him extre love!

#5, well right now im crying again... So ill post my number 5 when i can think of something else other than my little brothers face.

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