Looking for the trapdoor

1.I'm a junkie...I love heroin but hate who it makes me
2.my boyfriend lies to me constantly and hides stupid shit from me but when I find out I never call him out bcuz I did once and he just covered it will more lies.
3.I would love to kick my boyfriend out but we have a child together and I feel stuck. I'm also scared he will kill himself if I do seeing how he's told me he would if I left him. I know I would be happier alone!
4. My man masterbates all the time! He says its cuz I don't give it up enough but I walked in on him doin it only a few hours after we had sex. Now I don't want to do it wkith him cuz evertime I find lotion crammed in the couch I get disgusted. I've told him we can masterbate in front of eachother but he says that's weird...wtf
5.I feel like I ruined my life by getting with this man even tho I love my son dearly. I'm trapped and don't know how to change my life!!!

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