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Friday, July 2, 2010

Time for a vacation

- I really want to just put off all my responsibilities on someone else some days and not think about anything.  Life gets so hard sometimes. I want one day to just relax.

- My child is a good child.  Sometimes he can be a pain but for the most part he is very sweet and well mannered.  However it seems that when I get stressed out is when he wants to turn into something else.  I realize that kids feed off parents and he does this bad.  I just get so frustrated from time to time cause it feels I have no one to help me.

- When I say I don't have help I don't mean that all the time.  I have plenty of help keeping my child while I work.  I sometimes travel and my parents are really good about helping overnight sometimes.  I do wonder what it would be like to have a babysitter when I am not working.  I would not really know what to do with the time.

- I have never thought of killing myself at all.  I love who I am but sometimes I have wondered what it would be like to disappear sometimes.  I get to the point of screaming occassionally and it doesn't help.  It's just a bunch of noise.  AND no one even hears me so what's the point?

- I love my child with all my heart but I hate his father with a passion.  I really wish he were dead.  I hate to say that but really.  He causes me so much heartache and I am too soft hearted and kind to stand up to him.  He wants to fight with me all the time.  I am tired of fighting.  I just want to show my child that even though we can't live together as a family, mommy and daddy can still get along.  I just want to sit down and talk to my child's father but he won't let me say two words.  I wish he would either come around or go away.  Be an active part or no part at all.  I hate a daddy that only is a daddy when its convient for them.

Forum Name: Liz
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