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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Your day will come

1. I believe I may be bi-sexual. I have thoughts of kissing and cuddling with a darkskinned tall slender gurl with curly hair lol. Not to mention the sexual thoughts of us having anal and vaginal sex with strap ons and possibly having a sexy guy join in. I just feel akward when having these thoughts because it would be weird for those around me to found out that I may be bi-sexual. One of these dayz I plan to act out my fantasy.

2. My mother has been a junkie to crack cocaine and heroin ever since the early 90s. Itz caused my two younger broz and I to mature far too soon and lack self esteem and social skills because of all the hard times, malnutrition, and househopping. Not to mention that my momz younger child Father gave her HIV\AIDS. He died in 2001 and she next soon. Itz pretty obvious and inevitable. For those of you out there who believe that unprotected sex is a game, Yeah Russian Roulette!! So wrap it upp!!!

3. I miss my dad like crazy. He died in 2005 of Renal (kidney) Failure and Pancreatic Cancer. And you wouldn't believe this one......... He also had HIV/AIDS. But to be completely honest he caught that on his own terms and not my moms. They came to love each other like brotherz and sisterz. I regret not kissing nad hugging him on the the only day I was able to see him b4 his death which was in like 3 yrz at the time. He had gotten so sickly lookin til I backed away from him. Thatz one of my deepest regrets. I miss u daddy!! R.I.P.

4. I was molested .....twice!! The first time was by a man who called himself a pastor. We went to the movies on a church outing and of all people to sit beside he chooses me. In stead of holding my popcorn, I placed it between my legs and he shared it with me. I guess he accidently missed the bucket a few times in a dark ass theater but yeah.... he even rubbed my leg a few times. A bitch.
   The second time was by my stepmother's brother who was visiting. My stepmother's sister was gettin married and they arranged for their fam from overseas (Kenya, Africa) to come over and attend. After the wedding, my dad was out getting wasted while my stepmom was with the fam. Why would this man rather stay at home with me rather than party with fam that he hasn't seen in Yearz is beyond me. But I'm resting on the couch and he sitz next to me and began rubbing me along my arm. I knew where it was headed because I had been there b4. He then began rubbin my breast and yet I still lay there Numb as hell. He must've been confused on what to do next becuz he jus stopped and I just hopped up and ran to bed. I didn't come out to prep for bed until I heard him snoring. The next morning, he was gone and I never saw him again since,.... nor have I told anyone this until now.

5. I struggle with such a hard-knock life until sometimes I pray for God to put me out of my misery. I found that whenever I say a dumb comment such as " Geesh lord' you've really outdone yourself this time. It can't get no worst than this!!" And low and behold, it always does. I wish the day is nearing that I don't live so miserably and unproductively. Or so it seems.

While I don't have anymore secrets, I do have a messeage or two for anyone who can benefit from it. I've found that the key to being the best you is trying to maintain a pure heart while showing a little compassion, love, and respect for the next. And stereotyping the next is horrendous and triflin along with racism. Which I am a victim of often here in Richmond, VA. For all my African American siblings out there, we must come together instead of constantly pull each other down for the pettiest reasons. Mind Evolution is the Key to Equality.
And for my women, realize that we all are beautiful automatically for being unique and special in our own way. Don't let magazine covers define your meaning of beautiful.

Respect, Love, Peace, and Humility is all we need to deliver us to the promise land. Make it count!!!                                                                                   Richmond, VA

[From K -- Thank you for posting. I tweeted about you yesterday while I was trying to title this.]

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