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Friday, August 20, 2010

Never enough drugs

1-I feel as if I have no soul anymore because all the drugs I have done, it seems as if they destroyed my life.
2-I don't see a point in living unless I am high, I wish I didn't feel like this because I know I am smart and I could probably would be able to make something of myself if drugs wern't all that I think about.
3-I am still in love with my ex girlfriend and I wish I wasn't because I know she doesn't feel the same and I doubt she ever will.
4-I lied to her about my drug addiction to keep her from leaving me, I wish I didn't because she still wants to be friends but I feel as if my only friends are weed and painkillers which I abuse to mask the pain I have from losing her, and my father.
5-I feel as if I'm in a viscious cycle because I hate myself for doing drugs, but I do drugs because I hate myself, when I think about all of this it makes me so depressed and all I want to do is more drugs... And when I do drugs I always think about blowing pills untill I overdose because then I won't have to feel like this anymore, and if I od maybe people won't think I killed myself just that it was an accident.

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