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Sunday, August 15, 2010

No more sex with the ex


1. I am not sure that the guy I want to be the 'right one' is really the right one so I continue to tell him I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I am not lying.  I don't want a relationship because I am still trying to decide if I think things are going to work with him. 
2. When I first started dating him he was so wonderful.  He was affectionate. He told me every day how beautiful I was and we talked periodically all day long. Now it seems as if he isn't that interested. He isn't affectionate. He doesn't want to spend as much time with me. He only calls me once or twice a day for maybe 5 mins at a time and when he calls we have nothing to talk about. He doesn't want to come see me as much and, that is what makes me question if we should be together or not. When we are together he isn't affectionate at all. He tells me all the time he loves me but he just doesn't do the little things he use to. So I am left wondering if it's just going to keep getting worse.
3. My ex got a car yesterday. I am so proud of him for that.  I hope he can keep himself out of trouble. I really like being around him and spending time with him, as a friend, but I have a feeling that since he got a car he is going to try to mess up any chance of me working things out with the other guy. So I don't know how much to get involved and how much to back up.
4. I am so tired of hearing that people are talking behind my back. According to people in this town I have had sex with everyone. Recent one was the guy my best friend cheated on her husband with and caused her husband to leave her. Now her and her husband are trying to work things out and tonight I hear that someone has said I am having sex with the guy that she cheated with. Wow, why do I want my friend's sloppy seconds, first of all?  Second, I am not into black guys. I have black friends, but I am not attracted to them. I can't stand the guy she was messing with, why would I want him? I am so tired of hearing that I am having sex with different people and in all actuality I am having sex with NO ONE.
5. As much as I am attracted to my ex I just don't want to have sex with him. He wants me to come 'spend time' with him and keeps asking, but I know what will happen if I do. We will end up having sex. I realize that sometimes I say or do things that makes him think I want to but that is moments of weakness and then I think about what I did. I am trying to avoid that cause I think that sex only complicates situations. Why can't people understand that you can be friends with the opposite sex without having sex? He says he wants to be friends and that we don't have to have sex but I know that as soon as I go to his house the pressure will be on.  No matter how many times he says it won't happen, I know better.  

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