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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

You lived just fine before her


1) my girlfriend who I've practically devoted my life to for the pat year just broke her phone an figures it's like a freakin omen meaning we shouldn't be together.
2) she's been driving me nuts with this damn emotional rollercoaster which are her emotions. Cause during the morning she loves me an she'd do anything for me, but by the evening she wants to leave me because we're so far an we never talk(we're both different branches of the military, so we're stationed apart). But she knew wat she was getting into when she decided to get with a sailor.
3) everytime we break up it kills me inside, I mean I literally go cold and my heart will actually beat at like an eighth of it's normal speed. I mean I love her with all my heart an i'd do anything for her. But she continues to do this, of course afterwards she's sorry an says it was just a mood swing. Which I believed at first, but now I'm starting to get doubtd about which mood is real now.
4) I've almost gotten to the point where i'd rather just break up with her and die than to keep living with this continuous pain of having her hurt me the most. I've been hurt physically before an it was nothing compared to the pain I got whenever she tells me that she doesn't want to be with me..
5) I almost want to just sleep with her best friend who's been dying to have me, but then i'd feel wrong an she'd be mad. But she seems to just have the worst double standards ever. I once found out she'd had sex with her ex, but I forgave her for it an we worked it out. But then she told me that she'd dump me if I ever slept with anyone else. An yet she has the nerves to say she loves me more than I love her! 

It's just killing me, but I don't know wat to do. All my friends say to leave her, but I can't. I truly love her, an I don't think my body will let me live without her. Hopefully venting this will help some.

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