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Saturday, September 11, 2010

"I do" not have to have sex with you anymore


1) After 5 years of marriage I cheated on my wife with an old high school girlfriend that's also married and also has children.  I only cheated after 2 years of no sex. My wife is in therapy for this issue but that doesn't take care of my needs for the past two years.

2) I lied to my best friend in the world to get out of spending over $1,000 to travel across country to his wedding so I could buy myself an iPad and a new laptop.

3) My mom thinks I dropped out of college and joined the military to see the world when in reality I did it to get as far away from her as fast as I could.  However I was injured on duty and am now back in my hometown surrounded by her black cloud even though I no longer live with my parents and have been trying to find a job out of state.

4) I'm soo sick off working for my employer that I faked an injury and am out on long term disability for almost a year with full pay hoping I find a new job before my employer realizes I forged the Dr's forms and signatures and stops paying my salary.

5) If I ever won the lottery I would leave my wife half and run away as fast as I could to have sex with as many of the hottest women I could find but would NEVER EVER get married again (hint hint to those guys thinking of getting married.   She may do some freaky things now but once you say "I do" is when she starts saying "I don't")

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