Sick and sleepy and still alive

When i have sex with my boyfriend i fantasize about him doing a teenage girl and out makes me come faster.

I slept with his brother. He will never know.

I keep trying to kill myself with my meds and all they do is make me sick and fall asleep.

I have to masturbate to be able to sleep and i do it next to him and he never wakes up.

He thinks he is sterile when in reality its me i just don't know how to tell him im defective.

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