Benign into the nineties

1) I am one of those people who have "dark" thoughts that stem from depression and loneliness that come with "white noise": the sound of silence.... it drives me crazy.                                                                                                      

2) I feel  weird for being an african american women who dislikes 97% of rappers because of their lyrics and video model selection. They call women bitches and hoes and little black kids look up to them, while believing that selling crack and carrying guns is cool and shakin' your ass is the Best and Only kind of attention is worthy. I hope they jus don't understand rather not give a fuck about how they're taking the hands of black kids, teens, and adults and leading us back down that long road civil rights activists paved while shedding blood, sweat, and tears. 97% of rapper: mass murderers/ 3% of rappers city street sweepers that attempt to clean up the mess that inevitably will appear again by the masses. Then they'll only put latina, white, and asian women on front line showcasing their beauty, but will only put the black women in place for the ass shot. I care only because it streams into my personal life.......

3) Which is whenever I'm out in public around different races. Its me that get the degrading and disgusting stares from men and women of different races because our own men who "ain't shit to them" either, that tear us down. I sometimes debate on whether I'm gonna have a bi-racial child because of this issues black women go through. But then again I'm the breed that has the ability to battle against the grain.

4) I believe my sex drive may have dwindled away because I refuse to be a casualty. Women want to be loved, complimented, cherished, protected, and told that we are good enough. I've decided that I'm gonna go without until I feel I got the right guy. If you're a women who feels that you've found the right one, lucky you. And don't forget to communicate openly, because that's what keeps a relationship strongly Bonded.

5) My biggest fear is that I won't succeed in the field that I was made for. Or even worse, never find my true calling. Who wants to work paycheck to paycheck past the age of "twentysumthin". I wanna be rich by the age of 28, and healthy up until the age of 85. The next five years can spiral down because I don't believe I'll care to live through my "ninty years". What else would there be to do? Lol 

*EXTRA/ Recaps: If you see someone who looks "down" offer an ear, shoulder, or words of wisdom. You could save a life.... All rappers aren't bad, most of them are just popular dummies..... Every "hood" looking black girl you see isn't necessarily a "hoodrat". And all black women aren't as bad as we are often times thought of..... sex is a beautiful thing when done with the right person..... and love and live life which is benign until you're ninety!! ... To send me direct comments: hneadra@yahoo.com                                                           

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