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Back to school

1.  I thought I would be in grad school by now.  I'm 25 and haven't even finished a Bachelor's degree.  One year off has turned into two. I tell myself and other people it's because college is expensive, but deep down I know I'm just procrastinating.  I don't really know why though.  Maybe fear that I will never be as accomplished as I feel I ought to be.  Or fear of change.
2.  Speaking of procrastinating, I do it all the time for the stupidest reasons.  I procrastinate about paying my bills when I have the money to do it,  which results in things like my power getting shut off unnecessarily and having to pay an extra $50 to turn it back on after spending the weekend without power (they just love to shut it off on a Friday afternoon.)  I also procrastinate about replying to emails and phone calls from friends, family, and other people.  I do it for so long that it just seems awkward to actually reply.  Therefore I am kind-of a hermit.  
3.  The only friends of the same sex that I have are my co=workers, who are 30+ years older than me.  We don't interact outside of work.  So maybe they aren't even my friends.  But one of them gave me a Christmas card saying "I'm glad we're friends."  Maybe.  Although (I'm really only saying this to save face so you readers out there don't think I'm some sort of ugly hermit-procrastinating-freak. [Don't ask me why that's important.]) I have an abundance of "acquaintances" of the opposite sex.  No trouble finding them.  All I have to do is smile at a man and he thinks he has a chance.  Funny how that works.
4.  I consider myself a compassionate person.  But to be honest, there are a few people out there who's deaths would not bother me in the least.  In fact, I can say that I would be happy if some of them died or at least disappeared from my life.  Don't worry I'm not homicidal.  I wish I weren't that kind of a person, but I am.
5.  I sometimes go up to 3 days without taking a shower, and I don't brush my teeth every night before I go to sleep.  In fact I have terrible personal hygiene unless I am planning on having sex..

**K I just want you to know that writing these secrets is very cathartic.  As is reading other's secrets.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks so.  It is also very revealing about human nature.  I've been surprised at some of the things that pop up time after time in different posts.  We are all more alike than we think.  This website was a great idea and I want to tell you thanks for all your hard work running it!  Merry Christmas.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual

[I scheduled this post on Christmas night. :) Merry Christmas to you too.

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1 comment:

  1. This is like reading something I may have written 15 years ago... I still suffer from this inability to challenge myself, to be assured of who I am. While I know that I'm smart, pretty, kind, etc, in my mind, it doesn't quite reach my heart, and I still don't know why.

    I hope you can start some sort of therapy, and that you take these secrets with you as otherwise, you won't even bring this up and it's hard to find yourself at my age (late thirties) lamenting the things you did not do for fear of failing when the whole world was rooting for you.

    Good luck, darling.


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