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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Go forth and multiply (or at least practice)

1. I can't say I love life right now. In fact I really hate it. I'm so torn inside.
2. I graduated high school early and planed on college. Only problem is its been over a year since I've been out and I don't want to do four more + years of school. I'm not motivated in life and know I should be.
3. I had a bf for over a year in a half. First guy, first everything, sex(and I am a wait till marriage type of girl)...the whole 9 yards. But he is a liar and a cheat. I hate him and love him. He has had many chances at doing the right thing. He never has. He says he's willing to change. I've heard all of it before from him, except hes actually trying and has come up with a better plan. I just don't want to throw my self out there again. I feel like he'll just break my heat again. I'm lost on what to do.
4. I want to live life according to God, but I love sex and the pleasure sexual things bring. Sex makes me feel alive and like living.
5. I'm overwhelmed in life and depressed. But I never admit it to anyone. I don't want to see a shrink or counseler cause I fear they'll tell me I'm not stable and want to put me in a mental institute.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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1 comment:

  1. M --

    As far as this one... it's hard to want to better your life when you are unhappy. It is difficult to see how things could be better and even harder to take action because often, when unhappy we feel on some subconscious level that we don't deserve that effort. When you knowingly allow conditions that make you unhappy persist, you're not going to like yourself much. I once realized that if I had a friend who treated me the way I treat myself, I would dump them in a hot second. It's still much harder for me to do good things for myself than other people, but I'm getting there.When you start to get happier, you'll be able to listen to the voice inside that whispers your dreams, that knows what will truly fulfill you. Then you will go back to school or do whatever it is that you need to do to make those dreams come true... but you really do have to love yourself a lot to make that happen.

    As far as being afraid of being sent to a mental institute, that will almost definitely NOT happen. People can only be involuntarily committed if they prove a danger to other people, and sometimes (but not always) if they are a danger to themselves. Nothing that you've told me in either of these posts leads me to believe that you are at that level of instability. Go. You will never regret it -- finally finding the courage to go to therapy is the single kindest thing I have ever done for myself.

    K

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