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Monday, September 19, 2011

Face creamer

1. Before I broke up with my last girlfriend, I jerked off into her jar of face cream and mixed it in.  I wonder if she is still using that jar every night.

2. When I as six years old, I accidently trod on my cousin's toy helicopter.  His sister got the blame and smacked hard for it because her parents thought she broke it deliberately out of malice.  Still feel bad for that 5 yo little girl and that I was too scared to own up.

3. I used to work in a gas station.  The woman who worked the shift before me always used to get a ride home in the tanker from the guy who delivered the gas.  One day I saw the tanker parked out of town and stopped and looked in.  There was the woman giving oral sex to the tnaker driver.  I told the other gas station workers who named her the 'tanker wanker' and the whole story got back to the woman's husband.  He divorced her.  I feel bad for the woman, she wasn't a bad person; I feel worse for the kid whose world must have been ripped apart when her parents split.

4. I am a racist, am secretly proud of it and consider that America would be better off and less at risk if we deported all the muslims - extreme or otherwise.  The acid test should be you can stay if you draw a picture of the profit Mohamed then wipe your butt with it.

5. I went to school overseas as an exchange for one semester.  School I went to had too many students and not enough dorm rooms. I stayed with a little 70 yo old lady who rented out a room in her home to students.  It was ghastly, she was a mean person; I was charged 5 pounds extra for every electrical item I had - electric razor, laptop, ipod, phone etc.  I could hear her and her boyfriend being intimate through the thin walls at night; and she had a pot under her bed to pee in; I could hear all that too.
When I left after three months of hell, I sprayed a suspension of mushroom spores all over the carpet in my room.  Never heard if it ever grew up into mushrooms or just became a hyphal mat.

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: straight


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