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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

No more Mr. Nice Guy

1. When I was in college, one of my roomies had an OCD. He used to obsess over things like whether he'd turned the stove off or locked the door to our shared house. He'd walk to the street then come back and rattle the front door handle like 20 times to check it was locked before he'd leave for good. I used to unlock it after he'd checked it a dozen or so times, he never realised.

2. My friend has asthma. I told him I'd stuck his inhaler up my butt when he was wheezing and really needed it. He doesn't know that I didn't really do it. It was five years ago, but I still ask him what my ass tastes like.

3. My old employer got bought out and a whole bunch of us got canned for no good reason. Over 6 years I'd worked thousands of unpaid hours in overtime for that company. I was so pissed I printed out a list of their customers, and the prices they were paying and then mailed the whole lot to their biggest competitor anonymously. Score one for the little guys.

4. The first time I had sex was when I was 17. I was so nervous I couldn't get it up. It still bothers me, even through there have never been any similar performance issues since.

5. I had sex with my neighbour's wife who is 20 years older than me but she's still thin with a good body. She was absolutely hammered at the time. One advantage of older women being a little looser is that you can last a really long time. I'll do it again if she's up for it.

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: straight


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