I'm debating whether or not to seriously post here... it's awesome really! A canyon to shout your wildest and most deepest secret thoughts into. I've been straddling the fence for a few weeks already. Should I... shouldn't I??? I have noticed that there are not many comments to posters, so is the overwhelming majority here voyeurs? Those who would rather peer into a window and watch a murder rather than kick the door in and help stop it? Hmmmmm... Interesting social experiment this site could turn out to be.
So anyway... who am I, why am I here? I think we all look to find if there are others like us, others who have the same idiosyncrasy's. But are we drawn to those stories similar to our own, or those so far off our train of thought - that we relate to those opposites?
Ok... Anyway, Here it goes...
1. I'm in a loveless marriage completely devoid of any empathy, feeling, compassion and for a long while now... that which goes with all that, or lack thereof... "sexual" relations with my other 1/2. It tore me up when it stopped, we were never completely compatible as far as needs or frequency, but the sex was always good, so a complete mystery as to why she would just shut down. I work hard to support the household and provide for the family. I only drink socially, don't do drugs, I come home every night, don't argue or fight with her, etc., etc. Tried all the sweet stuff, but to no avail.
Now I'm so fucking horny, I just can't take it anymore, but I'm a complete chicken shit to go out and get some. I'm a good looking guy to boot (not just my opinion, have been told by many ladies ;) ) and have had ladies hit on me, some even too close to home for comfort, but I've resisted.
But... what is it that would make me attractive to another woman when the one who has me, doesn't want me??? It drives me crazy! Should I Stay? Go? Stay and play? Go and be free? We've got kids and is the main reason I've kept things smooth and stable. We don't fight or nothing... there's just nothing there anymore! Sometimes I'm so freaking pissed at her for this I want to smash her face, but I wouldn't ... couldn't ever do something like that.
2. Ok, so one of her friends and a few others have made passes and innuendo's... caught her one friend staring at my crotch, on more than one occasion same woman. I've wondered if my wife has told her we're not doing it and she wants some? Or I'm just so horny I'm thinking everyone wants it as bad as I. This should be easy right? I'd love to give it a go with her, but... I guess a fear of rejection has got a hold on me now. Fear of making a complete ass of myself to her.
A friend with benefits would certainly be fitting right now! I would fuck her every single day... it might save my marriage then, lol. This shit has got me so twisted. :(
I can't think straight sometimes...
3. I had an online affair (emotional). Just someone I met on a social site, started talking to and she provided everything missing from my life, with the exception of physical contact! It was wonderful until the inability to bring it all together (distance) began to cause too much pain. If she were close by, omg, I would've thrown everything to the wind and ran to her!
4. Needless to say, I self satisfy constantly... It's getting old. I'm actually freaking that when I finally do get with a woman, that my skills will be diminished or I will be so horny that I'll be freaky! lol... The lack of sex has caused a loss of self esteem and a inferiority complex with respect to my ability to perform. Is it like riding a bicycle??? I freaking hope so.
5. I'm to the point I think is past any possible redemption. If she threw herself at me I would reject her. I mean... not so much as a kiss in all this time - so she's fucking out! I would love for that to happen just to give her a little of what she's dishing out. I guess my resentment grows a little everyday!
So there it is, nothing earth shaking... just an everyday guy, living in a world of shit, some self manifesting, but shit still the same. Looking for an out, but too chicken to pull the trigger! Desperately in need of a woman's touch... wanting it, needing it, just not bold enough to go get it.
Feel free to comment, I'd actually appreciate some thoughts, lol... Tell me I'm not crazy, tell me I'm not alone in my plight!
Maybe I'll post more juicy stuff, let's see how this goes.
:)
Discuss this post.
I'm commenting because you politely requested it. I think most people don't comment because there aren't many comments- I always have thoughts, just don't share them. But you obviously want some feedback,and as odd a little community this is, there are some of us who are genuine in our wanting to help other people, not just read about their miseries. So. here's my take- as a female- first let me just say that oftentimes, especially when a woman has younger children, her sexuality is tied up in how a man makes her feel on other levels besides physical, not at ALL in how attractive he is. On number 1... I think many women just shut down sexually when they have children- I am guessing yours are young. Libidos generally start to kick in with women around their mid-thirties, and/or when kids are grown up enough to not be a constant drain on her- physically, emotionally. Is your wife a stay-at-home mom? If so then that is ALL her life is- children... and there's not a hell of a lot sexy about children. IF your marriage sticks it out- which it might not, since you seem to be despising her now- the sex will pick up again later, with maybe some more fun stuff added in. A secret that not many people know, because not many people stay with one person for 15-20 years, but by that tie, you can really open up and do some fun freaky shit because you trust your partner 100%.. but that's in the future, and you're living in the now, very unhappily.
ReplyDeleteon Number 2- even if this is true and not just your horniness making you imagine things (but it's hard to believe...women don't look at a man's groin when they find him attractive- we're women... we look at lips, eyes, faces, hands...)please don't have an affair with one of her friends. They're HER friends, not yours, so it wouldn't be friends with bennies, it would be you fucking your wife's friend. That will make you not just unfaithful, but a selfish, evil, asshole too. not judging you here- I totally get it- but if your wife doesn't have female friends good enough to not flirt with her husband, then she is a sad woman, I can promise you that. Female friendship is very important, and when it's missing, women are pretty unhappy, even when they don't know why. And REAL girlfriends don't flirt with your husband, and will absolutely tell you if he flirts with them.
So it sounds like you're looking for an affair, and like I said, no judgment here- I believe everyone belongs to themselves, not other people, no matter what kind of ceremony pronounced you man and whatever- so go have one. Just keep away from her friends and relatives, if not for her sake, then for the sake of your children's mother, who will either be your wife until you die, or one day will be your ex, talking to them about you. What do you want her to say? "Your dad and i jst grew apart?" or "Your dad had an affair with ym good friend, and broke my heart, self respect and viewpoint of myself as a woman. All he cared about was sex"....? I am also guessig your wife just doesn't understand men very well at this point in her life- is she quite young? Once you have enough experience in a relationship, you'll have sex even when you're not in the mood, because you do understand how much more revved about sex your husband is than you... but not if it's "Kid time"- that period of years where a woman is completely immersed in the raising of children and sex sounds about as appetizing as a dirty washcloth shoved in your mouth to hold for ten minutes.
I'm sure you can meet someone online. It's as easy as typing in "I want to cheat on my wife". But then do be prepared that if you get caught, it might be over... but ask yourself why you want to save a marriage where you're so obviously unhappy?
WOW!!! i don't know what to say since i'm young and haven't been married or never been in a long term realationship. but i always believe that if something is bothering someone we talk about it. so have you tried talking to her? i always believe that if i'm living with my boyfriend or husband that i'd want sex every single day and maybe twice sometimes...but somehow i don't think that reality because people get tired of the same things fast. the reason i thought so was because all the guys i've been with, i'm always the one begging for sex and they say "haven't you had enough" we've done it 3 times" but i guess this happens because i go a long time without and then when i get i can't stop. nut i guess if you're getting it on a regular basis then you don't want it so much. but my first reaction when i was reading your post is that she must be getting it somewhere else and then you said it, i was like aha! lol. all i can say is get all the facts and don't do anything rash yet, hopefully she's going through a phase. the only thing you didn't put is how long this has been going on. good luck!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteHow amusing. I've known many women who actively chose to withhold sex from their husbands. Part of the motivation was a general lack of interest but only in so much as women trend towards having less interest in sex generally. Women legitimately don't want to have sex if they are tired or have other duties they feel are more pressing. However, a great majority of women still have some interest in sex. They do not just stop having sex entirely without a reason. That reason, as far as my personal experience, tends to be petty and seemingly insignificant. I've heard anything from, "He's not paying enough of the bills," to, "I am SICK Of always being the only one to do the dishes." Hell, I've even been informed a wife severed sexual relations because her husband forgot to take out the trash one too many times. Regardless of reason, I have always found this behavior disgusting and deplorably childish in a mean-spirited sense. Finally, I encountered a hubby a little too wise to his old lady's antics. He cut her off. She still had the money she needed to buy groceries and maintain the household. However, he no longer gave her enough to do even the smallest bit of retail therapy, impulse shopping, or even go to a movie. I was surprised this tactic was used because she DID work but I suppose one who has a good provider in the home becomes accustomed to a better quality of life. In less than a week she caved and stopped petulantly refuting all advances. If your wife has good cause, pulling her slinky-shoe-allowance will have no affect and you are no worse off than before. Should she just be exploiting a thin, yet convenient, excuse, you should be back in the sack before you can say Macy's Day Parade.
ReplyDeleteI got this in the submission box. I"m not sure if it will help you out much, but hey, you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteThis is related to the auther of blue ball bummers.
Ive been with my gf for almost 4 years now. I can relate to your dilemma. When we first me, omg we had the most amazing sex ever. I really pounded the hell out of her with pleasure. She is a very hot rican mami, thick and curvy like the porn star hot. I did my job like a pro, so good that after banging her i went downstairs to pickup takeout ordered just before playtime (thinking ahead) and the neighbors downstairs were sayin i was a beast cuz they heard the whole session. Hahs even the girl downstairs was interested. Anyways,my gf could never keep her hands off of me(im a fine rican mix myself, not that tall but girls have told me im eye candy, kool) she would want sex at least 2 to 3 times a day. It was heaven. Im a freak too.
Now, its the opposite. Im always having to enitiate and she is never in the mood. If i dnt ask for sex it wont happen. she doesnt seem to have that drive anymore. She says shw loves me but always too tired for sex. Story of my life. We have had bad times in the past with trust and endless arguing.Maybe its driven us apart i dunno.
All the girls at work have offered sex, no joke over 8 girls.Some wanted to lure me in eith sex so then i would leave my girl. As much as i love sex, and thats alot! I dnt want to betray my girl, cuz i really do love her and find her way to sexy. I jus wish things could get better in the bedroom, she has gotten too lazy. And im a preaty keep it real type of guy. I jus squeeze one out myself while she is in bed every night, and she is awake. in her diffense, she does give amazing blow jobs mmm but i need sex more than barely twice a week, i mean come on!!!!
I am a woman and I can relate to your story. I was married for 4 years. My ex husband and I were together 2 years before that. We had fun sex all the time. Sometimes three times a day when we first got together. I have a man's sex drive, I love sex and I will do it any time any place (almost). However, the longer we were together the less he wanted it. I would beg every night. Do whatever I could to entice him. Well, he still wasn't interested. He would rather wait til I go to bed and watch porn and jack off.(as you said about yourself, I am an attractive woman and I am very proud of my nonporn body) I got pregnant and that is the reason we got married. That was a big mistake. I should have never agreed to marry him for the sake of my child. My child and I have moved on now. I have a wonderful boyfriend that I would not trade for anything now. He has the sex drive to match mine and I love it.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, although I begged for sex from my ex husband every night I got a 'no'. We had sex maybe every 6 months the past two years. It was horrible. I never once cheated on him. I can't say I didn't have the desire cause I did, but I never cheated on him. I decided that the love was not there and I would rather raise my child in an environment with love so that he is well aware how a woman is suppose to be treated. My boyfriend does a great job of showing him that.
My ex husband and I have been divorced since 3-09 and have been seperated since 10-08. I was so happy that I made the choice to leave. Yes, I cared about this man cause he gave me the greatest gift a man could ever give me in my child. I just was not in love with him.
I know how you are feeling living in the home with your wife and children and feeling completely ignored. However, if you think the situation is bad enough to leave then just leave. There is no point in dragging things out. That only makes the situation even worse because you resent her and she will soon resent you when she finds out you want to have sex with other women. If you really have the desire to be with someone else and you are truely not in love with your wife then you need to just go ahead and end it before some other woman comes along and it looks as if you left her for someone else. I am sure you don't want to hurt her any more than you have to.(you don't sound that hateful)
The decision is something you have to make but I would never advise sleeping with her friend. That would only lead to things you do not want to get into.
I love sex very much and I am so glad I am with someone that is on the same level as me now. It helps to have that. However, if you are in this relationship and you really decide it isn't going to work then I am sure you will find a woman out there that is just as freaky as you are.
Adding to the marriage bed is something I am strongly against. I feel that marriage is sacred and should be kept that way. If you want to be with another woman leave the one you are with.
That is my advice. Hope it helps some since I am a woman that has been in the situation. Although this is all just my opinions. Hope you can work something out and get some peace. I know the feeling of being married to your roommate. It doesn't even feel like you are really married anymore. My ex and I never argued, never had cross words of any kind. There just wasn't any emotion or affection there at all.
Just think about it really hard before you make a quick move. Yeah pussy looks good when you haven't had any in awhile but ask yourself if it's worth hurting her that bad. Just because you guys are not compatible as lovers doesn't mean you can't be friends for the sake of your children.
Maybe if things do not work out with your wife I can introduce you to some friends of mine. I got freaky friends that believe in being faithful. :)
Thanks for the comments, it's appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI posted about the sex, but actually of course there is way more to the story. Much has been left out to preserve anonymity. But I'll add a little more.
We've been together a very long time, since our teens, now over 20 years. Until recently, I never even thought of being with, or needing anyone else, I thought it would last forever! She was all that, and more. The breakdown has progressed steadily over the last 4 years, subtle at first, but then more pronounced.
I noticed I was the only party contributing to the emotional side of the relationship and so I tested it. I stopped the little things, the lunchtime calls to say hi, the little love notes left behind, the surprise gifts, dinners, etc., to see if my realization was in fact true. It was... If I didn't say "I Love You" I never heard it, then even when I'd offer a kiss, was rejected. Could you imagine??? That shit hurts! I don't give a shit who you are... it was worse than sticking a spear through my heart!
Can't tell you what starts going through you mind then and yes, the dominant thoughts of "if she doesn't need it from me, is she getting it somewhere else?" (not just sex, but emotional fulfillment too)
Of course I would never "shit where I eat" so to say. And really, my thoughts of an affair or the sex end, is to get some of what is missing outside of the relationship in an attempt to keep it, I haven't yet, like I professed, I'm too chicken shit. I think though, the pressure would be off somewhat if I were to just do it, lol.
Yes, we've talked about it and no reasonable explanation has been given. She told me herself she's not feeling the "love" anymore. Interesting though, cause it's only now that I'm just giving what I get that she's not feeling it.
All my intuition says to leave, but I guess it's easier said than done. I think trapped is a term to be used here, I think it works for males too? Is it better to maintain an appearance of stability while suffering inside? For family and kids? I can see why once kids are gone that so many marriages fail. She told me recently she wants a divorce and I can tell you it felt like the moon was crushed to pebbles and dumped on me, so suffocating, dark and cold. A terrible place to be. Really, I think I'm just fighting myself against what is so obvious. Holding on for what? But there's so much to lose, friends, family, etc., everything changes with divorce. This shit sucks I can tell you that.
Thanks for being my echo's in the canyon, I love to listen to what comes back from my shouting!
Sit down and talk !!! If she's still saying she doesn't feel it ...
ReplyDeleteRespect your self and Ur children stay close to her but leave.
Life is to short to keep hurting your self every time Ur together .
And Ur children will watch the hurt....u don't need that u deserve better
But sit her down and ask is there any way to save us ...
Tell her all of this well except the friend thing...lol
Cause if it was my friends id cut them bitches lmao
I was in the EXACT situation as you- we'd been together for about 15 years- I didn't know my husband was already cheating on me at the time. Now I do- I think he was simply bored at being with the same person, and it wasn't until we were on the verge of divorce and he was facing an actual "new life" without me, his comforting, familiar spouse, that he realized oh crap I do still love her. He got sucked into the excitement of being "in love" with this other person, although they really had nothing in common except they both wanted to escape hum-drum reality and pretend they were teenagers. FYI- my husband and I are still together, more committed than we ever were before, and a lot of that is owed to Love Busters- and Marriage Builders- that program literally saved our relationship. google it. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you and your wife should separate- I'm serious when I say it might be the only way to save your marriage. You will shortly find out if she's really no longer in love with you. She will make new friends, and suddenly be very happy, and will display every intention of moving on. The other reaction is she will suddenly realize that life without a husband isn't what she is fantasizing about- she's not going to suddenly have a all these great men knocking on her door and wanting to date her- middleaged momness.
That's just what I've seen, in my own observations. It's ALWAYS one or the other. if it's the 1st, nothing on earth can make her come back. if it's the 2nd, the marriage can be saved with hard work and effort.
Best of luck to you- post more and keep us updated! or better yet- go over to the forums and talk.